[ they're still connected, even when they're chasing rabbits, so raleigh knows that yancy feels his gut twist. he feels the horrible apprehension, the desire to keep this all from his brother because he doesn't want yancy to feel guilty over this. because raleigh dealt with it. it sucked, and in his worst moments he gets angry about having to deal with thinking his brother was dead for five years, but he was okay in the end. sort of.
but raleigh has never really been able to deny yancy anything, so he closes his eyes and lets the drift wash over him. it's like falling back into it and like running through rabbit holes at the same time--flashes of light and sound as raleigh's brain flashes through the five years without his brother. it's not detailed, but yancy doesn't need the detail to get the big picture.
it knows we're in here oh my god it knows we're in here -- fear that's his that's yancy's that theirs feeding back in on itself like a loop -- raleigh, listen to me -- the way yancy's body looked as it was torn out of the conn-pod the way it felt when his brother was forcibly ripped from his mind and suddenly gipsy's entire neural load was on him and he took over the right side fired the plasma canon limped to shore -- all he can say is yancy yancy yancy because yancy is gone and there is a hole where yancy should be -- waking up in the hospital a few days later and having to be sedated because he's ripping his stitches he's sobbing and thrashing so hard -- a talk with pentecost or pentecost talks at him and says disobeying orders it's better than a discharge for your mental state -- living in shit apartment after shit apartment and waking up screaming or shaking or crying or all three because he replays that night in his head over and over and over and he can't sleep normally anymore can't drink coffee tried sleeping pills once and they made him feel hungover -- he takes shifts on the top of the wall because it reminds him of gipsy and makes him feel like he could reach out and touch the ghost of his brother reach out and step into the ocean -- sometimes he thinks yancy is still in his head because he says things or does things and it's like his brother is speaking through his mouth and they say the drift changes you but he really wishes it didn't -- he doesn't laugh or smile as much anymore or at least not as loud or as large and wry sarcasm has a good appeal -- guilt guilt guilt how can he pilot gipsy without yancy this is wrong the drift was so strong with mako even when he flashed back and threw them out of alignment -- all i have to do is fall can't breathe not enough oxygen maybe i'll see him again if i don't make it to the pod in time that wouldn't be so bad
he's sorry. he's so damn sorry that yancy has to see this, that it still hurts so much like someone has ripped a hole in his chest. because the space in his head for yancy is filled now but there's a part of his heart that still feels a little misshapen and he doesn't know what to do with that. ]
GOD I KEEP TEXTWALLING AT YOU
but raleigh has never really been able to deny yancy anything, so he closes his eyes and lets the drift wash over him. it's like falling back into it and like running through rabbit holes at the same time--flashes of light and sound as raleigh's brain flashes through the five years without his brother. it's not detailed, but yancy doesn't need the detail to get the big picture.
it knows we're in here oh my god it knows we're in here -- fear that's his that's yancy's that theirs feeding back in on itself like a loop -- raleigh, listen to me -- the way yancy's body looked as it was torn out of the conn-pod the way it felt when his brother was forcibly ripped from his mind and suddenly gipsy's entire neural load was on him and he took over the right side fired the plasma canon limped to shore -- all he can say is yancy yancy yancy because yancy is gone and there is a hole where yancy should be -- waking up in the hospital a few days later and having to be sedated because he's ripping his stitches he's sobbing and thrashing so hard -- a talk with pentecost or pentecost talks at him and says disobeying orders it's better than a discharge for your mental state -- living in shit apartment after shit apartment and waking up screaming or shaking or crying or all three because he replays that night in his head over and over and over and he can't sleep normally anymore can't drink coffee tried sleeping pills once and they made him feel hungover -- he takes shifts on the top of the wall because it reminds him of gipsy and makes him feel like he could reach out and touch the ghost of his brother reach out and step into the ocean -- sometimes he thinks yancy is still in his head because he says things or does things and it's like his brother is speaking through his mouth and they say the drift changes you but he really wishes it didn't -- he doesn't laugh or smile as much anymore or at least not as loud or as large and wry sarcasm has a good appeal -- guilt guilt guilt how can he pilot gipsy without yancy this is wrong the drift was so strong with mako even when he flashed back and threw them out of alignment -- all i have to do is fall can't breathe not enough oxygen maybe i'll see him again if i don't make it to the pod in time that wouldn't be so bad
he's sorry. he's so damn sorry that yancy has to see this, that it still hurts so much like someone has ripped a hole in his chest. because the space in his head for yancy is filled now but there's a part of his heart that still feels a little misshapen and he doesn't know what to do with that. ]