[ she doesn't know what to do for him. she wishes she did, but what do you say to someone who has experienced so profound a loss, so massive a hurt as one as he has? nothing. not a god damn thing. because words of comfort could end up trite and he's hurting so much she doesn't want to add to that.
he will always have them. her, and yancy and alison and tendo. and mako, always mako, because she and naomi love him in all the ways that are the same and in all the ways that are different - one woman his better half in the most literal sense of the word, and her, she'd like to think, a second chance at something that might not have been. ]
Okay. [ her emotions are a stuck, balled up mess at the base of her throat, but that's fine. it'll be fine. ] You're allowed. [ her fingers tilting up his chin so she can look straight into his beautiful eyes. ] You're allowed to grieve, Raleigh.
[ she won't ask him about the dream even if she wants to. but she offers: ] But if and when you want and are ready to talk, you can always come to me.
[ mako had taken her aside once before, when it was evident that she and raleigh had finally set aside their individual apprehensions and fallen headlong into being involved. raleigh has had two co-pilots. one is the man who made your daughter possible, the other is me. the drift merges two minds, so you have not just words but images and emotions and memories making up an exchange. it is different for every pair, but the common denominator is that speaking out loud often becomes obsolete - because why say out loud when you can think it, when you just have to feel for the other to know.
it is a wonderful, profound experience that only a few people can bear. and while it is that, i do not believe that is a healthy way for him to live.
you and yancy fill a place in his heart that gipsy and yancy's father once filled. i know what i am talking about, naomi, and as someone who cares about raleigh very deeply, who knows how he felt the first time you smiled at him all those years ago when you were both still very much children - understand that i do not say it lightly when i tell you that he will need you to drag him out of the water sometimes before the tide closes overhead like a coffin lid. ]
I love you so much, Raleigh. [ i can't be mako and i can't be your brother, but i hope that being me is enough. ] Whatever it is, however long it takes you to deal with it, I will never stop loving you. So you take however long you need and I will be here. [ her fingers are tight around his, the pressure of her touch is more than just a promise. it's as close to a vow as she can make it. ]
[ even though his heart is hurting, even though today is one of the rare days where the grief seems all-consuming, raleigh smiles. it's a soft, small smile. barely an upturn of the corners of his lips. but it's there as he squeezes naomi's hands. ]
How did I get so lucky with you?
[ it's an honest question. there are days where he looks at her and yancy and thinks, how could i ever ask for anything more? life is pretty great for him most of the time. thinking of that lets him lean in to kiss naomi softly and then pull her into his chest. he's not quite ready for their girl to come back, since his hands are still shaking and he still feels like the tide is going to pull him under if he's not careful. but he's got naomi to hold onto and that's makes all the difference. ]
I just need a little time. [ to pull himself together a little. to accept the fact that he's still allowed to grieve for the loss all these years later. then maybe he'll be able to talk to her. as he is right now, he doesn't quite feel like he can. and even if he could, he wouldn't know where to start. ]
[ she presses a lingering kiss against his forehead. ]
Babe, take as long as you need. [ she didn't think she could mean something as much as she means those words, but she does. he's already given her so much, she can do more that just give him a little time.
she glances over his shoulder then, just to check where her daughter has gone. yancy's standing in the water, sneakers hanging from her fingers as the waves rush against her thighs. ]
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he will always have them. her, and yancy and alison and tendo. and mako, always mako, because she and naomi love him in all the ways that are the same and in all the ways that are different - one woman his better half in the most literal sense of the word, and her, she'd like to think, a second chance at something that might not have been. ]
Okay. [ her emotions are a stuck, balled up mess at the base of her throat, but that's fine. it'll be fine. ] You're allowed. [ her fingers tilting up his chin so she can look straight into his beautiful eyes. ] You're allowed to grieve, Raleigh.
[ she won't ask him about the dream even if she wants to. but she offers: ] But if and when you want and are ready to talk, you can always come to me.
[ mako had taken her aside once before, when it was evident that she and raleigh had finally set aside their individual apprehensions and fallen headlong into being involved. raleigh has had two co-pilots. one is the man who made your daughter possible, the other is me. the drift merges two minds, so you have not just words but images and emotions and memories making up an exchange. it is different for every pair, but the common denominator is that speaking out loud often becomes obsolete - because why say out loud when you can think it, when you just have to feel for the other to know.
it is a wonderful, profound experience that only a few people can bear. and while it is that, i do not believe that is a healthy way for him to live.
you and yancy fill a place in his heart that gipsy and yancy's father once filled. i know what i am talking about, naomi, and as someone who cares about raleigh very deeply, who knows how he felt the first time you smiled at him all those years ago when you were both still very much children - understand that i do not say it lightly when i tell you that he will need you to drag him out of the water sometimes before the tide closes overhead like a coffin lid. ]
I love you so much, Raleigh. [ i can't be mako and i can't be your brother, but i hope that being me is enough. ] Whatever it is, however long it takes you to deal with it, I will never stop loving you. So you take however long you need and I will be here. [ her fingers are tight around his, the pressure of her touch is more than just a promise. it's as close to a vow as she can make it. ]
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How did I get so lucky with you?
[ it's an honest question. there are days where he looks at her and yancy and thinks, how could i ever ask for anything more? life is pretty great for him most of the time. thinking of that lets him lean in to kiss naomi softly and then pull her into his chest. he's not quite ready for their girl to come back, since his hands are still shaking and he still feels like the tide is going to pull him under if he's not careful. but he's got naomi to hold onto and that's makes all the difference. ]
I just need a little time. [ to pull himself together a little. to accept the fact that he's still allowed to grieve for the loss all these years later. then maybe he'll be able to talk to her. as he is right now, he doesn't quite feel like he can. and even if he could, he wouldn't know where to start. ]
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Babe, take as long as you need. [ she didn't think she could mean something as much as she means those words, but she does. he's already given her so much, she can do more that just give him a little time.
she glances over his shoulder then, just to check where her daughter has gone. yancy's standing in the water, sneakers hanging from her fingers as the waves rush against her thighs. ]