[ maybe it's because they've been together awhile, maybe it's just because she knows that the way he moves changes whenever he doesn't feel like the ground is steady enough but yancy is around and he refuses to lose it while she's there. whatever it is, naomi clues in to the fact that raleigh is just barely holding on and she looks over to her daughter, to the question in yancy's eyes mom what's wrong how can i help and she inclines her head a little in a gesture of baby, give us a bit, i need to talk to your uncle.
the mutinous look in yancy's eyes doesn't surprise her, neither does the violent shake of her head as her shoulders shift so that she clings tighter to his arm. she's such a protective little thing, ready to fight for the right to stay, for the chance to be there for him the way naomi has managed to in the few short years they've become a family.
because she knows yancy won't go unless she verbalizes the request, she voices it then, borne out of silent understanding that raleigh's need to protect their little girl from whatever ghosts continue to rattle in the attic of his mind will take precedence over everything else. baby, please, just five minutes and as reluctant as yancy is in letting go, she does, and naomi watches her daughter stand to turn on her heel, arms coming up to hug herself as her footprints mar the shoreline. ]
Babe, [ she turns back to him then, tips his face up, searches his gaze ] talk to me. Please.
[ raleigh can't meet her gaze. he shakes his head a little as he curls himself around naomi even more. talking would mean having to figure out how to verbalize everything that's going on in his head and he's not sure he's up to that right now. not when he's starting to tremble in her arms. it's hard to tell if it's from the cold or how shaken up he still is from that dream. either way, he's shaking like a leaf as he presses a kiss to her cheek and drops his head back down to her shoulder. ]
I can't. I just-- [ he breathes in through his nose a little noisily. holds it for a count of four. exhales slowly. naomi was never in love with his brother, but it still feels wrong somehow to tell her all about what could've been his last moments. might not be, probably aren't, but could've been. ] It was just a really shitty dream.
[ and he didn't want yancy to see him shiver. to hear the way his voice goes tight and hoarse like he might cry for the loss all over again. but it's been eight years. raleigh is, for the most part, screamed and cried out. he's rebuilt himself up into a mostly-together whole. but there's something about being on the beach on leap year for the first time since he collapsed a scant few miles away that brings it all rushing back. ]
I just miss him. [ even though he's got mako, and the chois, and his girls, even though they fill him up with so much love that he thinks some days that he's going to explode from it all... he still misses his brother something fierce. it's not something he thinks about constantly, but almost daily there's a thought of i wish i could tell yance about this, or he would've loved to have seen that. and it hurts. ]
[ she doesn't know what to do for him. she wishes she did, but what do you say to someone who has experienced so profound a loss, so massive a hurt as one as he has? nothing. not a god damn thing. because words of comfort could end up trite and he's hurting so much she doesn't want to add to that.
he will always have them. her, and yancy and alison and tendo. and mako, always mako, because she and naomi love him in all the ways that are the same and in all the ways that are different - one woman his better half in the most literal sense of the word, and her, she'd like to think, a second chance at something that might not have been. ]
Okay. [ her emotions are a stuck, balled up mess at the base of her throat, but that's fine. it'll be fine. ] You're allowed. [ her fingers tilting up his chin so she can look straight into his beautiful eyes. ] You're allowed to grieve, Raleigh.
[ she won't ask him about the dream even if she wants to. but she offers: ] But if and when you want and are ready to talk, you can always come to me.
[ mako had taken her aside once before, when it was evident that she and raleigh had finally set aside their individual apprehensions and fallen headlong into being involved. raleigh has had two co-pilots. one is the man who made your daughter possible, the other is me. the drift merges two minds, so you have not just words but images and emotions and memories making up an exchange. it is different for every pair, but the common denominator is that speaking out loud often becomes obsolete - because why say out loud when you can think it, when you just have to feel for the other to know.
it is a wonderful, profound experience that only a few people can bear. and while it is that, i do not believe that is a healthy way for him to live.
you and yancy fill a place in his heart that gipsy and yancy's father once filled. i know what i am talking about, naomi, and as someone who cares about raleigh very deeply, who knows how he felt the first time you smiled at him all those years ago when you were both still very much children - understand that i do not say it lightly when i tell you that he will need you to drag him out of the water sometimes before the tide closes overhead like a coffin lid. ]
I love you so much, Raleigh. [ i can't be mako and i can't be your brother, but i hope that being me is enough. ] Whatever it is, however long it takes you to deal with it, I will never stop loving you. So you take however long you need and I will be here. [ her fingers are tight around his, the pressure of her touch is more than just a promise. it's as close to a vow as she can make it. ]
[ even though his heart is hurting, even though today is one of the rare days where the grief seems all-consuming, raleigh smiles. it's a soft, small smile. barely an upturn of the corners of his lips. but it's there as he squeezes naomi's hands. ]
How did I get so lucky with you?
[ it's an honest question. there are days where he looks at her and yancy and thinks, how could i ever ask for anything more? life is pretty great for him most of the time. thinking of that lets him lean in to kiss naomi softly and then pull her into his chest. he's not quite ready for their girl to come back, since his hands are still shaking and he still feels like the tide is going to pull him under if he's not careful. but he's got naomi to hold onto and that's makes all the difference. ]
I just need a little time. [ to pull himself together a little. to accept the fact that he's still allowed to grieve for the loss all these years later. then maybe he'll be able to talk to her. as he is right now, he doesn't quite feel like he can. and even if he could, he wouldn't know where to start. ]
[ she presses a lingering kiss against his forehead. ]
Babe, take as long as you need. [ she didn't think she could mean something as much as she means those words, but she does. he's already given her so much, she can do more that just give him a little time.
she glances over his shoulder then, just to check where her daughter has gone. yancy's standing in the water, sneakers hanging from her fingers as the waves rush against her thighs. ]
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the mutinous look in yancy's eyes doesn't surprise her, neither does the violent shake of her head as her shoulders shift so that she clings tighter to his arm. she's such a protective little thing, ready to fight for the right to stay, for the chance to be there for him the way naomi has managed to in the few short years they've become a family.
because she knows yancy won't go unless she verbalizes the request, she voices it then, borne out of silent understanding that raleigh's need to protect their little girl from whatever ghosts continue to rattle in the attic of his mind will take precedence over everything else. baby, please, just five minutes and as reluctant as yancy is in letting go, she does, and naomi watches her daughter stand to turn on her heel, arms coming up to hug herself as her footprints mar the shoreline. ]
Babe, [ she turns back to him then, tips his face up, searches his gaze ] talk to me. Please.
no subject
I can't. I just-- [ he breathes in through his nose a little noisily. holds it for a count of four. exhales slowly. naomi was never in love with his brother, but it still feels wrong somehow to tell her all about what could've been his last moments. might not be, probably aren't, but could've been. ] It was just a really shitty dream.
[ and he didn't want yancy to see him shiver. to hear the way his voice goes tight and hoarse like he might cry for the loss all over again. but it's been eight years. raleigh is, for the most part, screamed and cried out. he's rebuilt himself up into a mostly-together whole. but there's something about being on the beach on leap year for the first time since he collapsed a scant few miles away that brings it all rushing back. ]
I just miss him. [ even though he's got mako, and the chois, and his girls, even though they fill him up with so much love that he thinks some days that he's going to explode from it all... he still misses his brother something fierce. it's not something he thinks about constantly, but almost daily there's a thought of i wish i could tell yance about this, or he would've loved to have seen that. and it hurts. ]
no subject
he will always have them. her, and yancy and alison and tendo. and mako, always mako, because she and naomi love him in all the ways that are the same and in all the ways that are different - one woman his better half in the most literal sense of the word, and her, she'd like to think, a second chance at something that might not have been. ]
Okay. [ her emotions are a stuck, balled up mess at the base of her throat, but that's fine. it'll be fine. ] You're allowed. [ her fingers tilting up his chin so she can look straight into his beautiful eyes. ] You're allowed to grieve, Raleigh.
[ she won't ask him about the dream even if she wants to. but she offers: ] But if and when you want and are ready to talk, you can always come to me.
[ mako had taken her aside once before, when it was evident that she and raleigh had finally set aside their individual apprehensions and fallen headlong into being involved. raleigh has had two co-pilots. one is the man who made your daughter possible, the other is me. the drift merges two minds, so you have not just words but images and emotions and memories making up an exchange. it is different for every pair, but the common denominator is that speaking out loud often becomes obsolete - because why say out loud when you can think it, when you just have to feel for the other to know.
it is a wonderful, profound experience that only a few people can bear. and while it is that, i do not believe that is a healthy way for him to live.
you and yancy fill a place in his heart that gipsy and yancy's father once filled. i know what i am talking about, naomi, and as someone who cares about raleigh very deeply, who knows how he felt the first time you smiled at him all those years ago when you were both still very much children - understand that i do not say it lightly when i tell you that he will need you to drag him out of the water sometimes before the tide closes overhead like a coffin lid. ]
I love you so much, Raleigh. [ i can't be mako and i can't be your brother, but i hope that being me is enough. ] Whatever it is, however long it takes you to deal with it, I will never stop loving you. So you take however long you need and I will be here. [ her fingers are tight around his, the pressure of her touch is more than just a promise. it's as close to a vow as she can make it. ]
no subject
How did I get so lucky with you?
[ it's an honest question. there are days where he looks at her and yancy and thinks, how could i ever ask for anything more? life is pretty great for him most of the time. thinking of that lets him lean in to kiss naomi softly and then pull her into his chest. he's not quite ready for their girl to come back, since his hands are still shaking and he still feels like the tide is going to pull him under if he's not careful. but he's got naomi to hold onto and that's makes all the difference. ]
I just need a little time. [ to pull himself together a little. to accept the fact that he's still allowed to grieve for the loss all these years later. then maybe he'll be able to talk to her. as he is right now, he doesn't quite feel like he can. and even if he could, he wouldn't know where to start. ]
no subject
Babe, take as long as you need. [ she didn't think she could mean something as much as she means those words, but she does. he's already given her so much, she can do more that just give him a little time.
she glances over his shoulder then, just to check where her daughter has gone. yancy's standing in the water, sneakers hanging from her fingers as the waves rush against her thighs. ]